I feel like I’ve inherited a mangy house cat that turned out to be a skunk. Now we’re kind of tight, but there’s always a chance I could get sprayed.
I never understood why some girls couldn’t wait to get boobs. All those movie scenes where girls are stuffing their bras with tissue (or balloons full of pudding) were most likely written by men.
I didn’t even have time to realize I should want boobs before they started invading my life. Early on, they were a source of embarrassment. When you show up to 3rd grade with boobs, even tiny ones, 3rd graders notice and make you super uncomfortable about it.
Once I realized they were getting unwanted attention, I tried my best to hide/suffocate them. I spent middle school trapped under two sports bras. That’s right, I double those things up. If I can remember correctly, I even wore them to sleep. If these things were going to invade my life, I was going to wage my own war.
It also didn’t help that I was overweight with braces, massive unruly bangs, the thickest, darkest
eyebrows eyebrow, and a sweating problem. Jealous? Come to think of it, maybe my breasts were the least of my problems. Puberty had me like WHOA!
Here’s a little proof if you don’t believe me. What happened to that cute girl in the Hawaiian dress?:
Fast-forward 20+ years. After I had my daughter, I thought maybe I’d see them in a different light. They were, after all, made for feeding tiny humans. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out as planned, and I was pumping exclusively. This was torture for them and me.
Today, I sit with my nemesis, very near to my heart (literally). They’re the first to betray me in weight loss and gain. And hey, is it too much to ask them to stick out farther than my stomach?
But it isn’t their fault they’re ticking time bombs. Maybe all those years were preparing me for the separation. Can you really miss something you’ve hated so much?
I’m now taking the necessary steps towards a double mastectomy. More about that and the options I’m choosing (nipple did I know there would be so many options) next time! I can’t wait! I’m seriously bursting to share everything with you all!